The Sticky Poem and the Crumbly Cake

Thursday was a weird day. It actually started Wednesday night when I baked a chocolate cake – the one from an old recipe a Providence coworker had given me that is topped with nuts and chocolate chips and is usually moist and delicious. It was in the oven when Diana called and I was so into talking with her at length about everything from lipstick to algorithms, that I lost track of the time. When I took it out it looked fine but I had a sense it was overbaked. I decided to bring it to work anyway and let the (chocolate) chips fall where they may.

I packed the cake up very carefully and carried it safely to the train and to the Metro and through the security scanner in my building. There was a lunch in honor of my coworker Carolyn who transferred to another branch on Friday and this cake was on the menu. Luckily, there were assorted cookies and brownies as well because when I cut into said cake, it had no cohesive properties whatsoever. It was pretty amazing have quickly it became a million crumbs. This was a particularly humbling experience since I had stated vehemently the day before that I would never use a cake mix and always baked from scratch. That‘s exactly what it looked like….cake scratchings. It tasted good but had few takers. I brought 80% of it back home on said train and delighted Paul with its return. He loved it! He comforted me as usual by saying “There’s nothing wrong with this. It’s great!” This was the same very dear husband who last weekend when I used a new box of hair color that was supposed to be reddish brown and my hair turned out black said to me – with a straight face, “Looks great!”. You gotta love this man!

Meanwhile, back to Thursday. When I checked my emails in the morning, Diana had sent me a beautiful poem about spring by Richard Wilbur. I did a copy and paste so I could print it out but for some reason, it didn’t paste. I tried it two or three times without success.

Later that afternoon, I was sending out group emails to my grantees telling them about a change in project officers and introducing their new contacts. One grantee responded and I noted that my email to her, which was attached, had the POEM hanging off it at the end like flypaper! It was repeated several times. The poem had a biblical title and so it looked like some religious fanatic had taken over my Federal government role and was promoting the King James!

I checked my sent emails and saw no sign of the poem so called IT to come and investigate what was going on. At the same time I sent new emails to all my grantees asking them to disregard any emails they received with poetic appendages. (One sweet man from South Dakota responded saying “I didn’t get the poem. Can you send it to me?)

Thursday was pretty embarrassing but also yielded benefits. I learned not to brag about my baking, Paul gained almost a whole cake and now you, too, can read this poem.

Ecclesiastes 11:1

We must cast our bread

Upon the waters, as the

Ancient preacher said,

Trusting that it may

Amply be restored to us

After many a day.

That old metaphor,

Drawn from rice farming on the

River’s flooded shore,

Helps us to believe

That it’s no great sin to give,

Hoping to receive.

Therefore I shall throw

Broken bread, this sullen day,

Out across the snow,

Betting crust and crumb

That birds will gather, and that

One more spring will come.

Is Obama Too Nice?

If you take a look at any of the books on President Obama and the ‘o8 campaign that have already been published, it’s hard to find anything very objectionable about the man. If I try really, really hard I can come up with a few things he has said or done that aren’t perfection. He still smokes... he made fun of John Boehner’s perpetual tan, ummm... maybe he has an ego that’s what, typical of ambitious men?

The problem, the flaw that may be his undoing is also his greatest strength. He’s a nice guy. Not just a nice guy the way your neighbor is nice. He seems to genuinely respect other people. Maybe not their ideas, but their right to have ideas and to fully express them.

During the campaign, it was clear to me that Hilary Clinton had no problem whatsoever going for the jugular. Sometimes it was active: “And, if I'm not mistaken, that relationship with Mr. Ayers on this board continued after 9/11 and after his reported comments, which were deeply hurtful to people in New York...”; sometimes passive, “He’s not a Muslim, as far as we know….” When Obama kept his arguments cerebral and did not attack, I thought that as the first serious black contender for the office he was well advised to avoid showing anger toward a white woman. But here it is more than thirteen months since the inauguration and he’s still that nice guy! He doesn’t attack and he doesn’t insult.

Nothing demonstrated that more than last Thursday’s health care “summit”. Obama took on the dual role of leader/facilitator for the meeting. This was community organization at its finest. He listened to everyone. He was able to adroitly hear the content and manage the process at the same time. THAT'S SO HARD!! I’ve done this with workgroups or “stakeholders” in past government jobs and it is extremely challenging. How much easier would it have been if Obama had someone else facilitate the meeting. He then could have retained more gravitas with his comments interspersed strategically from time to time. So why didn’t he do it that way? My guess is that he wanted maximum control of the six-seven hours and he knew he could manage both roles. But he also wanted, by facilitating it himself, to maintain a high level of civility in the tone of the meeting. I was in awe of how well he did this and could still take a humorous jab at “well-prepared” Republicans like Eric Cantor, “Let me guess, is that the 2400 page bill?”

It was clear early on in this meeting that no Republican compromise would be reached. It appears that the GOP sees more benefit in defending health insurers than expanding coverage to the millions of uninsured. But did Obama miss an opportunity? Could he have upped the ante by calling out Republicans on their failure to be constructive? I worry that the level of respect he shows the opposition translates to: “He can be rolled”.

In the summer of 2008, it looked like Obama was lacking the chutzpah and fire in the belly that gets you elected. Nevertheless, he sprinted to the finish and began his presidency with intelligence and grace, restoring regard for the US on the international stage. But as the health care initiative drags on and is in danger of getting bollixed up forever in Senate procedural argument, can the President do more? Or is it his nature to let the “community” work out their own differences?

What are your thoughts?

TIME

I’m a planner. I always have one eye to the future. The next vacation, next time we see the girls, next holiday. Preparing, shopping, packing.

This week time stopped and filled itself up with snow. At first, it was 32 inches – then a two-day breather followed by 16 more inches. The federal government is now closed for the fourth day. And the highway connecting our mountain road to the rest of the world is also closed. Here we are.

At first I felt restless and was glued to the local news channel waiting to hear what? That there was no school anywhere and even Starbucks was closed? Gradually, I began to use the time to relax and do some fun stuff.

The first thing was to cook. I had bought some eggplant and tried some Italian cooking, turning it into Eggplant Parmesan with tomatoes and some leftover mozzarella. Then I baked a batch of chocolate chip/peanut butter chip/walnut cookies and an oatmeal apple crisp. Having just seen Julie and Julia, I was inspired to order Mastering the Art of French Cooking which is sure to come in the mail as soon as we start having mail again. During our next record-breaking blizzard I will serve Boeuf Bourguignon. I asked Paul why I cooked so seldom in Arizona, and he suggested that my kitchen island has made the difference. It’s true. Cooking is like a dance from one spot to another and here the distances and resulting tempo are perfect.

In the afternoons, we have been watching TCM and discovered some treasures from the 1940s from Cover Girl to Kiss of Death. At odd times we can find Law and Order episodes, seen and unseen, and marvel as the channel guide goes by with promos for shows like Biggest Loser and Real Housewives of wherever. Who watches those?

Paul is reading two or three books about Italian sculpture and Abraham Lincoln…the usual suspects. I’m just starting The Given Day at Diana’s recommendation and actually getting through last week’s New Yorker.

I played a little piano on Sunday and Monday but am ready to really tackle something today – something I haven’t played before to get into learning mode. Maybe a jazz tune.

This must be what retirement feels like. Filling time with things you enjoy and having lots of time to relax and do nothing if that’s what you feel like.

For the record, I’m not ready. I need to be out there doing my sometimes challenging, sometimes maddening bureaucratic thing, connecting to healthcare systems and hoping to make things better. I need to do it at least a few days a week. Moving forward. Into the future.

Making something happen with all this time.

A Perfect Sunday

It started with a visit to what used to be called the “Church of Tim Russert”, the three hours give or take of back-to-back new shows. Today the topic on all networks was the Massachusetts election and its impact on Obama’s presidency. This topic, complex and leading to wild speculation of all kinds, was addressed by White House surrogates, Republican senators, commentators and scholars. I hung on every word as I ate leftover mushroom quiche and downed five cups of coffee.

During the commercials and after the shows ended, I read the Washington Post, my favorite newspaper, saving the online NYT columnists for later.

Paul and I then sat in our little parlor with a blazing fire. Outside it was grey and overcast with two inches of rain projected for the next 24 hours. Daisy slept soundly in her newly washed white fur, smelling much better than she did last night. We listened to an Ipod playlist that includes a song Eliza had recorded and both of us smiled when that number came up.

Later as the fire faded, I revved up the piano and pulled out some old Bach pieces, breaking them down to separate hands and taking them sloooow.

Five o’clock brought a glass of wine and a simple chicken dinner followed by an old Cary Grant/Doris Day movie and an episode of Law and Order Criminal Intent. Then sleep around 9:00. Paul stayed up to see Masterpiece Theater.

When I was young, I would have thought a day like this insufferably boring. Today I thought it perfect. We count our many blessings.

RETRO RESOLUTIONS

It’s so tiresome to make endless resolutions – usually the same ones, year after year, only to find that few or none of them survive more than a month and we end up feeling shitty. This year we’ve decided to do something different and consider the resolutions we have already kept… even though we never made them. We feel so proud. It’s a great way to start 2010.
Here, then, are our resolutions for 2009:

1. Take more risks: On July 11th we left our home in Tucson and traveled 1900 miles to rural West Virginia to buy a home that Paul had only seen on the Internet.

2. Get a new job: I began this new federal job in public health on August 18th, funded by the stimulus, and am still not sure what I do exactly, but I feel like I'm helping the president.

3. Retire: Paul retired officially in June ’09 and is loving the role of full time artist/gentleman farmer.

4. Give the girls their space: I stopped telling Diana and Liza that they should call me more and in 2009 they called me more.

5. Save money: We have only just begun to seriously save. Our total retirement is predicated on very good health and a stable economy, but we are saving.

6. Travel to Europe: On December 29th, we placed a deposit on a 10-day trip to Italy for Late May 2010.

7. Be kinder and gentler: Paul has no issues with this. I, on the other hand, have become irascible with age and often take it out on customer (dis)service representatives. On December 31st, I spoke with a Delta agent about a lost voucher and was nice as pie and the situation was resolved very satisfactorily.

8. Spend more time reading: Paul reads about six hours/day and has for decades. I am finally reading actual books (rather than Newsweek and newspapers) due to the travel time on the train. Resolution kept (had I actually made one).

9. Take the time to do more home cooking: I am rapidly becoming the soup queen of Persimmon Pear Lane (a hard-fought campaign) and have been dusting off the old cookbooks from Rhode Island days. Paul is smiling and appreciating the nod to his French-Canadian culture.

10. Take more photographs: This resolution needs more work. The lovely photo that introduces this blog was actually taken by our friends Don and Kathy , New Year's Eve in 2007. But we still look a lot like this. Even retrospectively, we can’t be perfect. Call it the early Catholic influence.

WINTER

It’s the first “real” one in 25 years. We drove down the mountain last Saturday in a fine snow and headed out to Gettysburg for our anniversary weekend. The snow flew horizontally against the windshield and though it wasn’t yet sticking to the road, the pines began to take on a light coat. No deer around that day. We wondered where they huddled.

The first four months of our new adventure have been rich and comforting. All the rolling farmland in nearby Virginia and Maryland changes its appearance daily as the slanting of the light moves toward the solstice. Rain, too, has been frequent but even rain looks different through the late autumn colors in our wooded yard. Our big kitchen is the heart of our new home and I find myself cooking old recipes from cards that have stains going back to the Warwick days!

Both of the girls were with us Halloween weekend and Liza has been out a few times since. She catches the late Friday train with me and we shop together on Saturday or get our hair done. Diana will be back for Christmas and Neil will join her. Jon will be back soon from a brief assignment in the Philippines. We bought a ping pong table and set up a movie room in the basement for those nights between Christmas and New Years when they’ll all be home.

It’s only now that we can reflect on the move, after the craziness of the furniture delivery and the huge adjustment to the long commute. It does feel normal now and the house feels like ours.

Paul’s Civil War passion is constantly fed by this environment. Lately it’s been focused even more on Lincoln, and his early Christmas present is a life mask of Lincoln that was cast from the famous Volk piece. He reads book after book about the 1860’s and I’m finishing Ted Kennedy’s beautiful memoir and then will start David Plouffe’s book about the Obama campaign. Little more than 100 years separates our interests!

All of this year, I’ve been terribly aware of getting older – both the sadness and beauty of feeling one’s own mortality. Here near the woods and the two rivers and the naive deer – many of whom don’t survive their first encounter with our machines – one can’t ignore the passing of seasons. But for millennia, humans have tried to fill their dark December nights with as much light as they could create … both with their fire and their stories. So tonight we will build the fire, put candles in the windows and make that marvelous lentil soup from Sunset magazine. We’re ready for your visit!

THE TRAIN, THE BUILDING & THE JOB

These are pictures of the MARC train and the Park Lawn building. But let me connect them to my day.

I get up now at 5:00 AM and there’s no leeway, no snooze alarm, no lying to myself about ten more minutes…I have to get up because if not, I’ll be crazy and/or miss the train. Paul gets up with me because he’s a real doll!

I make the coffee and breakfast for the two of us, turn on the news (It’s even too early for MSNBC’s “Way Too Early”) and focus on focusing. Since we found and unpacked the calendar, it feels much better because I can actually see what day it is and calculate its relationship to the weekend. At 6:10, I get in the shower and at 6:40 we leave and do the drive down the mountain and across the Potomac to Brunswick MD where I catch the 7:07. I stop to get the Post out of the machine. (I subscribed to the Post and then found out there is only delivery on Sunday up on “Walton’s Mountain” so I’m stuck with newsstand prices). The train is generally on time and I join the throng of commuters and board at one of three points. I like the designated quiet car but have come to realize it doesn’t matter much in the AM because everyone’s quiet. (It matters a lot on the way home when many people have some kind of trainborne happy hour and do a lot of serious carrying on.)

The ride in uneventful until we come to Gaithersburg, MD and lots of people get on and look for seats and everyone who has an open seat next to them pretends they are sleeping or deaf and blind and people have to actually ASK if they can sit down even though this happens at EXACTLY THE SAME TIME every day with the SAME PEOPLE. I am amazed. I get off at Rockville, the next stop.

From there, I go down the stairs and into the Metro then up the escalator to the platform and onto the Red Line. This takes me just one stop to Twinbrook and I get off, go down the stairs, out the gate and walk the .8 mile to my building.

The Park Lawn building has 18 floors. I am on the 18th. When I enter my building, I go through security, just like the airport (only they don’t make me throw away my water bottle). I ride upstairs and enter the “headhouse” hallway where I walk by the office of the US Surgeon General. Just after the women’s room is the first door to my suite. I am one of about 40 new staff who are working on grants to health centers supported by the president’s stimulus package or ARRA, American Recovery and Reinvestment Act. I am not doing the most exciting job of my career, but I know I am helping get dollars out to an excellent health care system for the underserved and in my heart I feel like I’m helping Barack Obama.

Some of the best features of this job include:
1. Awesome coworkers
2. Great cafeteria food. Yes. It’s true. Choices range from stuffed grape leaves to turkey dinner w/ trimmings to Greek wraps, spinach lasagna…all for about $5/day
3. The building has a dry cleaners and they do alterations (like hemming newly bought pants that are now always 4-6 inches too long. What’s up with that? I’m tall.)
4. The credit union is in the building and there are not one but two free ATMs
5. There is a little shuttle bus you can take to and from the Metro when it rains
6. Inside the building, there is also a convenience store that sells Tylenol and birthday cards and has warm freshly baked cookies every day at 2:30

There is nothing about my life that is the same as before, way back in June. I work till 4:45, do the reverse commute back to Brunswick where Paul and Daisy pick me up and we drive home. Driving to work in Tucson took 5 minutes and I could often complete my work at home… entering hospice data on my little laptop. This is a daunting commute but I am rejuvenated and hopeful and grateful for it all. Every day.